WHAT OUR KIDS WANT FROM US…
October is National Children’s Month. My 3-year-old Granddaughter was trying out a new piece of playground equipment at the local park. I could see by her face that she was a little scared that she might fall off, so I offered her my hand and quietly encouraged her to hold onto the handle. She said, “Thanks Grandme, I know that you’ll always keep me safe.”
WE ALL KNOW WHAT WE WANT OUR KIDS TO DO….
STOP doing what we don’t want them to do;
START doing what we ask them to do;
ACT like they belong to a “normal” family!
BUT, WHAT DO OUR KIDS WANT FROM US?
FIRSTLY, OUR KIDS WANT TO FEEL SAFE.
Uncertainty causes anxiety which makes kids feel unsafe. If kids don’t have some form of structure and boundaries in their lives, they create their own. These boundaries can often be much tougher on them as they don’t have the ability to plan and predict outcomes in certain situations, causing them to become worried. The lack of family expectations, both physically and emotionally, makes a child feel unsafe as they don’t know what they are allowed to do or when they need to stop.
SECONDLY, OUR KIDS WANT TO FEEL LIKE WE (KIND OF) KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING.
Kids also feel safe if there are expectations of how our family runs. Knowing what we are doing as parents might include having:
Ways our family speaks to each other;
Ways we care for ourselves and each other;
Ways we help each other; and
Ways each family member is responsible for family and personal things.
THIRDLY, OUR KIDS WANT TO KNOW THAT WE CARE ABOUT THEM AND THEIR SAFETY.
Kids need to know that our family’s relationship is strong so that they feel safe. Having a secure relationship means:
Expectations and working out a set of family rules;
Having structure and routine within a family; and
Putting into place sensible consequences without blame or shame.
With these 3 things in place, our kids will know the family’s limits and what will happen if they are stepping outside these limits. Letting them know in a firm but a warm way that they are getting close to that physical or emotional line so they can pull back, gives our kids the certainty they need and encourages self-regulation.
If you are ready to give your kids what they really need register for the BASIC PARENTING – THE SIMPLY 1-2-3 WAY or join our LEARNABILY ONLINE MEETUP GROUP for parents and carers (PACS) / Grandmas and Pops (GAPS) and other family members. (SIMPLY 1-2-3 for Educators coming soon!)
